Redefining staring and rude staring

Last week we launched an awesome conversation about putting an end to staring. The one thing that came up many different time is the varying comfort people have to ask questions about a difference and the varying comfort people feel when they are asked questions.I think we might need to first redefine staring. There really are two kinds. There's passive staring from afar that does not bother a person who is 100 percent cool with his or her difference. I'm helping Jordan reach this phase. A person with a difference doesn't look for passive stares so it doesn't bother him or her. Passive staring is natural. It just is a moment when someone who hasn't seen a physical difference has a chance to learn. Watching from afar, a person can learn how a difference doesn't stop anyone from living life. I don't think we ever want to tell someone to look away and ignore the fact they've discovered a unicorn. The trick is how that staring person reacts next: Point and whisper (or pull your child away in fear or embarrassment) or smile and say hello and maybe even ask questions when the situation seems welcoming to questions.Rude staring is when a person moves from the opportunity of saying hello and instead chooses to point and whisper or rudely swarm or rudely confront a person with a difference. Some Born Just Right readers share moments when they were confronted by people (children and adults) saying things like, "What's wrong with you?" I have seen children swarm around Jordan and just stare or talk to themselves as if Jordan is on display when all she wants to do is play. I have heard children yell out "ewww" and "that's gross." Some of these reactions come directly from parents who have hushed them from the passive staring stage and never taught them that being different is actually okay.That's why I would love to change the way we teach our kids about staring and learning about differences. Jordan and even many adults who I have talked to who live with differences would MUCH rather you take the passive staring and move on or turn it into a chance to introduce yourself and ask a polite question. It's so much better than a whispering/pointing/"I am embarrassed to be around you" situation.What's even cooler about this conversation? It's given my friends a chance to talk about how we talk about differences with our kids and even with each other. Have you tried talking about it with other families or peers? It's so cool to watch adults rethink how we handle ourselves around people who are different. (Have you noticed there are a lot of great people out there who don't fit the typical mold? Isn't that cool?)The one discussion that came up on Born Just Right's Facebook page and during conversations with my friends is how do we transition from the passive staring into a chance to politely say hello and maybe ask a question instead of pulling your child away for staring. How do you take a teachable moment about staring so our kids can learn differences are just that: different. But they are also a chance to understand that people who look different are unicorns. And unicorns are cool. How do you talk about staring and helping a child learn about differences? I'd love to hear from you.